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  He had to be inside of her now. The urgency came on him all at once. He fumbled with his jeans, reaching into his wallet for another condom. Panic seized him when he realized he didn't have another one.

  "God, Josie," the frustration was clear in his voice.

  "What's wrong?" her voice came in gasps.

  "I'm out of condoms."

  Condoms. She hadn't thought about that one. In all of her planning, she had just assumed. What? She and Brian hadn't used them. Hadn't needed to. She had assumed that someone like Jake would carry around a box of them with him. She ran through the options in her head. Then a smile came to her lips. She could take care of this one.

  "Then let me take care of you," she offered, her voice more seductive than she ever remembered it being.

  "What are you talking about?" He wanted to laugh at his own stupidity. He had come to spend the night with Josie and had only packed one condom. He had assumed that once would be enough.

  "I'm talking about, let me take care of you." She slid beneath him so that her legs were practically up against the headboard. She gently rolled him over onto his back and then lowered her head to him, taking him into her mouth.

  "God, Josie," he practically jumped off of the bed as soon as her mouth closed around him. Most women teased with their tongues first. Not this one. She took him all in, all at once. And sucked hard.

  Josie didn't have much practice with this one. Even if she had, she would be incredibly out of practice. So, she let instinct take over. All she could think about was bringing him the same kind of pleasure that he had just brought her. She wanted him to have his release.

  She felt her mouth stretch over him. All men were not created equally, she thought. Still, she couldn't stop. He felt incredible. Maybe it was the wine or the wicked new shave, but something was bringing out her inner sex goddess. And she loved it. She had never felt so much power, so in control. She gripped his hips as she moved her head up and down, taking him in, letting him slide back out. Licking, teasing, nipping here and there.

  When she felt his back arch and heard his breath stick in his throat, she knew he was close. He fisted his hands in her hair, holding her head steady as he pounded into her. No one had ever done this to her before. She couldn't breath. All she could do was let him continue to make love to her. And take in all of the sensations. When he came in her mouth, she swore she would faint from the intensity.

  "You're incredible." He pulled her up to him, his body still wrenching from the spasms. He covered her mouth with his, encircling her in his arms. As soon as he woke up, he swore he would go buy a giant box of condoms. Until then, he planned to hold her in his arms. And not wonder about tomorrow.

  Chapter Twelve

  Jake slipped out before Josie could wake. He had left a note telling her he would be back with breakfast. He hadn't realized he was whistling until he had made it to the bakery. Everything inside of him wanted to impress her. Everything wanted her to ask him to stay. But to what end? He wouldn't think about that yet. He wasn't a settle down kind of guy. Surely a few weeks of sex with Josie would be enough to cure whatever it was that was taking place. A summer fling. That would be enough, wouldn't it?

  A huge lump was settling just above his stomach. What would Josie do after the summer? What had she been doing? No one seemed to know. And if they did, no one was answering him. Four years was a long time to do nothing. He wondered why she had hid herself behind Brian's memory. Why did she still have the wedding pictures? He imagined that everything in the house was exactly as it had been when Brian was there. Including the satin sheets.

  She had probably made love to Brian in that same bed. Hell, no probably to it. It was a given. He had been in her house, on her turf. What was he thinking? He wasn't, obviously. If he had been, he would have reminded himself that Jake Moore didn't live in anyone's shadow. He made his own way.

  As incredible as last night had been, the sour mood that was settling on him made him realize that he had been fooling himself. There wouldn't be a repeat performance. No matter how much he thought he wanted it. And it would be better this way.

  He considered picking up some flowers for her. He doubted that would help her mood. He was simply going to explain that he had to go in and check on Lucy and then he would be sure that there was some kind of an emergency that would take all day. He'd promise to call her later tonight. And then he'd do what he always did, he wouldn't call.

  It had just been sex. That's what she had invited him over for. She had made that clear enough last night. Nothing had changed since then.

  * * * *

  Josie tried not to be disappointed by Jake's absence. He had offered to take her with him to the lab. And she had almost accepted. But she still hadn't come to terms with the snakes yet. She wasn't sure if she ever would. She liked the snake wrangler, though. From his out of style hairdo to his battered cowboy boots. Not to mention the way he had been last night. She regretted that they had run out of condoms. She swore that she would go out and pick some up later today. For when he came back tonight.

  She was half way through her shower when she heard the bedroom phone ring. She'd have to remember to turn the ringer off before tonight. She didn't want any interruptions. She grabbed a towel and trailed water from the bathroom, hoping to catch the phone before it stopped. Just in case.

  "Hello?"

  "Josie, girl. I was wondering if you were up yet," Martin's voice boomed from the other end.

  "Yeah, I'm up."

  "Good. You think you can get on over here to the zoo. I need to talk to you today about something."

  "Sure. I guess I can." She sat on the edge of the bed. "What do you need?"

  "Oh, I just need to talk to you about something. A little party I'm putting together."

  "I'm not much of a party planner, Uncle Martin," she reminded him.

  "Oh, I know that. I need your input though."

  "Can you tell me what it's about?"

  "It's a surprise. You'll like it, though. I just know you will. So, can you come on over?"

  "Yeah. Give me a half an hour. I was in the shower."

  "Okay, darlin'. See you then."

  * * * *

  Josie hadn't been looking for Jake's truck when she pulled into the employee parking lot. At least that's what she told herself. Still, her eyes scanned the area for the black Chevy. When she didn't spot it, she felt her heart sink a little. Maybe he had finished early and had gone home to take a shower and change.

  She had to walk past the lab to get to Martin's office. The thought crossed her mind that she should drop in and thank him for breakfast, but she quickly decided against it. That would look too desperate. Instead, she walked by as slowly as she could, giving him a chance to look out his window and see her. He wasn't there, though. His truck was pretty hard to miss and it had definitely not been in the lot.

  "Hi, Clara," Josie spoke to Martin's secretary as she entered the office reception area. "He's got you here on a Saturday?"

  "You know Martin. Once he gets an idea...." the pretty redhead rolled her eyes. Josie had always thought Clara was sweet on Martin, but she had never said anything and Clara hadn't made a move yet.

  "Yeah, I know," Josie smiled. "So, what is the idea?"

  "Top secret," she placed a finger over her red lips.

  "How am I supposed to help if it's top secret?"

  "All I know is we're planning one heck of a party."

  "Josie," Martin stepped from his office and held his arms out to Josie.

  "Uncle Martin," she gave him a squeeze and followed him into the office.

  "Hold my calls," he called to Clara.

  "Sure thing, hon," she called back.

  "Have a seat," he said as Josie sank down into the leather chair.

  "So what's this all about?"

  "It's about you."

  "What about me?" She was sure the confusion showed on her face.

  "Tell me something, girl. What do you plan on doing after th
e summer?"

  "I haven't really thought about it."

  He sat across from her, forming the church and steeple with his fingers. "Do you have any dreams?"

  None I can share with you, she thought, last night flooding her mind. "Sure I do," she shrugged.

  "You care to share them with me?"

  "Where is this going?"

  "You are thirty years old," he began, choosing his words as carefully as he could. He had never been known for tact. "It's time you decided what you want to do."

  "And you're having a party to help me decide?"

  "No. How's the day camp going?"

  "It's fine, Uncle Martin. Now, really, what's this about?"

  He avoided her eyes. Surely a man who had amassed a fortune by the time he was thirty could come up with a way to broach this subject. "I want you to quit the zoo." He watched as Josie's face dropped.

  "What do you mean?" There was a touch of panic in her voice.

  "I mean after this summer, I want you to quit working here."

  "You're firing me?" The panic was full-fledged now.

  "No, I'm not firing you. I want you to find something. I want you to do something that you want to do."

  "I want to work here."

  "No, you don't. This was Brian's dream, not yours."

  He was the first person who had the guts to say it to her face. And hearing it said out loud was like having cold water thrown in her face. It had been Brian's dream. Not hers. "What's your point?" she tried to even out her voice, but she knew it was cracking.

  "My point is, you should be living. Brian's dead. We all hate it. I hate it. I loved him like a son." He stood and began to pace with his back to her. "You've got to let him go and move on."

  Like I did last night, she thought. "I'm trying," she could feel her heart breaking as she spoke the words. She was trying. But she was going about it the wrong way.

  "Then what do you want?" his voice was soft, his face red.

  "I don't know."

  "What did you want to do when you were in school?"

  She played with the arms of the chair. "I wanted to be a nurse."

  "How far did you get before you married Brian?"

  No one had asked her that before. No one had acknowledged how she had given up everything for him. "I made it to clinicals."

  "Can you get back in?" he sank back into his chair.

  "I don't know. Maybe," she shrugged.

  "Does Carolton U have a nursing program?"

  "I don't know. I never really looked." She and Brian had been in school in Baton Rouge.

  "Look. I'll pay for it all. No, I know what you're gonna say," he cut her off before she could protest. "You know that money is yours. The life insurance. And I want you to take it. I want you to do whatever you want with it."

  "It's blood money," she said softly.

  "He took out that policy for you. It's not blood money."

  "I don't want it."

  "I don't care. You know Brian would hate to see you doing this. Why are you doing this? You're punishing yourself."

  Josie couldn't fight the tears. Everything he said was right. It was all right. And it was everything that she had already realized. She just didn't want someone else telling her about it. "I know," she finally said.

  "It wasn't your fault."

  "If I wouldn't have run out of gas, he wouldn't have been on the road."

  "No. He would have been in bed. Maybe it would have been a break in. You don't think these things happen by accident do you?"

  "I don't know how they happen." She reached for the box of tissues.

  "Neither do I. I do know that the money is yours. And I want you to use it. Find what you want out of life and go get it. Four years is enough. Let yourself live."

  "What about you?" she wiped the tears from her eyes.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean it's been ten years since Rhonda died and you still haven't asked Clara out."

  "What would Clara want with an old coot like me?"

  "Sixty is hardly old these days. And I see her looking at you."

  His back straightened. "You do?"

  "Yes, I do."

  "Clara, huh?" his gaze wandered to the door. A slow smile spread across his face. "So, you got a grip yet?"

  "Yeah," she smiled as she dabbed the rest of the tears from her eyes. She was amazed that she didn't have as many now as she'd had just last year.

  "I want to talk to you about what I'm doing with this land behind the zoo."

  "Is that what you called me here for?"

  "Mostly, yeah. Come here." He walked over to the conference table. "You see this?"

  "You mean the black cloth?" she asked from behind him.

  "Yeah. This," he removed the cloth to reveal the model for the amusement park, "is what I'm building there. To honor Brian."

  Josie took in the tiny model park. It was a water park and amusement park in one. There was a gate connecting it to the zoo. She could see the tiny figures of tourists gathered in front of a miniature Ferris wheel and water slides. An amusement park. A smile spread across her face. Brian would have loved it. "And this is what the party is for?"

  "Yeah. I figured we could have a fourth of July blow out and break ground. What do you think?"

  "I think he would have loved it."

  "So you'll take the money, go back to school?"

  "I'll think about it," she promised.

  As she left the office, Josie realized that she was slowly replacing Brian. It was time, wasn't it? Four years was long enough. Still, there was a certain amount of guilt. Guilt that she hadn't felt last night. Last night hadn't been about Brian. It hadn't been about exorcising demons or replacing his memory. It had been about lust.

  When she passed Jake's lab this time, she decided to stop in and say hi. The truth was, she just really wanted to see him again. She pushed on the door after turning the knob. It didn't budge. When her knocks weren't answered, she decided to try the reptile exhibit. Her hands were sweating as she pushed the door open.

  All of the cages were uncovered and visitors were spread throughout the area. She didn't see Jake's imposing figure anywhere, though. Even if she had, she wouldn't have been able to move beyond the doorway. Her last encounter in the snake house was still fresh in her mind.

  "Josie." Wendy had spotted her standing in the doorway and was advancing toward her.

  "Hi, Wendy," she called back, trying to decide whether or not she could move into the room. The nearest snake was probably ten feet away and looked enormous slithering in its cage. She let out the breath that she had been holding when Wendy crossed the room.

  "What are you doing in here?" the pretty redhead smiled. "I mean, not that we mind and all, but you're not a usual visitor."

  "I know," she blushed, remembering her snake encounter. "I was looking for Jake, actually. I needed to talk to him about the camp."

  "Oh," she folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at Josie. Looking for Jake and in the snake house? It was curious indeed. "I haven't seen him."

  "Oh. I was just thinking he might be here. I had a meeting with Martin and thought I'd check," she let her voice trail off, wondering why she felt the need to explain.

  "He hasn't been in all day. He had a date with Susan last night, so you know what that means," she wriggled her eyebrows.

  A date with Susan? "I see," she tried not to let her emotions show on her face, but she knew she was gripping the doorknob tighter than she should be. Her stomach sank. She had to get out of here. If she didn't, she was likely to let her emotions overrule her good sense. "Thank you," she managed before she turned and left the house.

  I won't cry. Not yet, she promised as she made her way back to her car.

  "What were you thinking?" she eyed her reflection in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were glittering with unshed tears. She wouldn't give in to them. She was stronger than that. Gripping the steering wheel, she headed out of the parking lot.

  * * * *


  It was time. She had spent too long living in the past. She knew that she should be crushed by Jake's whatever it was. She couldn't call it infidelity. Dishonesty, yes. But she had been willing last night. More than willing. And she wasn't some wilting flower that needed a man. That was the reason why she had lived like this for so long. It was a defense mechanism. And as soon as she let those walls down and let someone in, something happened.

  For all general purposes, last night had been amazing. She had felt alive in a way that she had never dreamed would happen again. And it had nothing to do with Jake particularly. He just happened to be the guy who was there. Any guy would do. Nothing special there.

  In a way, he was doing her a favor by coming to her after he had been with Susan. It guaranteed the kind of no strings attached relationship that she had wanted. Strings led to love and that led to what? Years of feeling empty inside? Well, not anymore. She felt alive. And, damn it, she was going to live.

  * * * *

  Jake was bound and determined to stick to his original plan. He wouldn't go back to Josie's house. No matter how his body was reacting to his memories of last night. He had left things unfinished. He knew that. He was taking the coward's way out. Jake Moore had never been a coward before, but something about this whole situation was causing him to go against his nature.

  When had he ever cared about a woman's past? Never. None of the things that were bothering him today had ever had any affect on him before. Maybe Paul was right. Maybe he was getting old. That was the only explanation that he cared to ponder. He'd rather admit to getting old than to any of the other possibilities rolling around in his head.

  He picked up the phone and then replaced the receiver. He held his beer bottle to his lips and took a nice, long swig. He willed the phone to ring. If she called him, then he could justify talking to her again. He could suggest that she come to his place tonight. He could do things right that way and not have to worry about anything.